Songwriter's curse...

I wanted to sleep, but noooooo... my muse was like 'get your ass out of bed, you're writing'...I started to write parts of this in my head before Chris and I became a couple... We had spent some time together and I was absolutely sure that I wanted him and only him... It was pretty much about my fear of... well... him not feeling the same... I'm glad he does.Without further ado, here is a chunk of my lyrics... they sound hokey - like bad poetry, but you have to hear it with the verses and music.. Keep in mind, my songs are protected by copyright - these words cannot be taken without permission...Am I enough?Am I gonna break?Am I gonna fallflat on my face? (again)Does love really giveas much as it takes?Am I just making another mistake?Only time will tell"Time Will Tell" (written by: Winter Laurel) Fan the Flames/Jenai Publishing (c)2003.I have to put that there for safety purposes. *shrug* I'm a nerd, I know.Hearts,Winter

Letters...

I just wrote Chris another letter - I sure hope these get to him alright. WOW! It took me an hour to write that letter; it's about four pages long... I write really long letters... really long.I wonder what he is doing over there right now... I mean, what in the world could someone do in their spare time? I personally could not handle being out there in the desert... Wow... I am very proud of him... That is all I can really say when it comes to that aside from 'I miss him and love him more than life', but you've all heard plenty of that, right?What they say is true, you know... Distance does make the heart grow fonder. I miss him more with each passing day. I wonder if he feels the same...Ah, well... I need to take a nap. I hope everyone out there is doing well...OH! Before I go - I need to tell everybody about this. I preordered a pale pink metallic 'sakura' pink ps2 from Japan!!! YEP! It is one of 50,000 being made - it is gorgeous!:D... I CANNOT WAIIiiiiiit!:D Okay, geek moment over... More than anything, I want Chris to come home.............Hearts,Winter

Tired.

I just got home from karaoke at Sharky's.My first song was 'Safety Dance', sung for Jordan's birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JORDAN! We love you!The last song I sang was devoted to Chris... 'Again' by Lenny Kravitz. I think the lyrics fit:"All of my life / Where have you been / I wonder if I / Will ever see you again "Chris - I love you - you are the love of my life... Stay strong and come back for me.Hearts,Winter

Freaking Out!

Oh my god, I am freaking out today.I just read a story about the risks outlined in Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's list for President Bush... Quite frankly, I am scared shitless; I could not handle it if something happened to Chris or his little brother... I really couldn't. I love Chris too much to see something happen to him... We've come so far in these seven years!I can understand President Bush's desire to dethrone Saddam and disarm Iraq, but he's going about it too hastily. What if Saddam DID use some of those weapons on our soldiers? What the HELL is he thinking!?Ugh. I need to get out of the house for now.Hearts,Winter

*SIGH*

People are being so nice to me lately! Today, I got one of the nicest compliments ever!!! A friend of mine told me I have the face of an angel! I thought that was so neat!:DVery little do people know my three favorite compliments: I love your music, you're cute, and you look angelic.I am very worried about Chris... I hope he is doing alright over there. After watching the State of the Union address and reading stories about Saddam's reactions... It just scares me... It scares me really badly. You know what? Chris' little brother is being sent over there soon as well... That pisses me off - I cannot handle something happening to either of them... Three of my brothers, both of the full-blooded ones and the adopted one, were in Desert Storm about 12 years ago... I didn't quite understand the severity of the situation then. Now it's the next generation possibly going up against the same asshole... *sigh* They should have killed him in Desert Storm... The UN should have killed Saddam when they had the bloody chance!!!Anyway... I guess I'm just strongly opinionated to some... I realize the importance of the armed forces and understand that Iraq is possibly a threat... I am starting to hate it when people say, "I hate the , we don't need them because "... People who say that do not realize the importance of the armed forces... I've done a lot of research over the years... What can I say? I've been in love with Chris for a long time.Chris - Be strong... I hope you're alright... Remember... You are more than just a man... You are a reason for living.All of you who are being so kind to me during his absence... especially my friends... Thank you.Hearts,Winter

Odd Day.

Well... today was rather uneventful.I took my best friend a pack of cigarettes and watched the State of the Union address. Did anyone else watch it? Did you see Hillary Clinton's face!? I thought it was priceless, when Pres. Bush was making the paycheck comments!All in all, I think he made a pretty good speech and made it rather evident that Iraq does need to be taken care of. *sigh* It sucks, but it's true... They have had twelve years to disarm and too much has been unaccounted for or hidden. I just wish Chris wasn't deployed over there...Speaking of Chris, I talked to his mother today! I wanted to make sure that his family has my phone numbers in case they ever need anything. Chris had already given them my numbers as I requested before he left, so it was all good. We ended up talking about the fact that I'm dating Chris - she doesn't mind it at all! She says she has always liked me - rock on.Anyhow, I am going to go to bed now. I have college early in the morning.Chris - I love you more than life. Please be safe.Hearts,Winter

It hurts.

Wow.... After hanging out with Anyla, Thatdamngood, Disintered, and Jellystar tonight, I realized something... I really am going to need my friends to support me during Chris' absence.By NO means am I saying ANYTHING negative about my relationship with Chris - we're pretty much engaged now. What I AM saying, though, is that not being able to see or hear from him hurts... My friends ease that pain somewhat.Yep - we are engaged!!!!!!!! He is waiting to formally propose upon his return!!! I have never been happier in my life; I must be the luckiest woman ever in existence.I have come to a realization... I have needed Chris all these years. Without him, I would not have made it through highschool... He helped me stay strong - helped me keep from losing hope... He made me feel like I wasn't just a freak that every jock wanted to kick the shit out of. I fell in love with him way back then...Over the next few years, we kept in touch - I believe I've told this story before. We fell out of touch for a while, but got back in touch and there were silent emotions between us. All in all, we've had emotions between one another for seven years now. I've loved him for all seven and he's wanted to be with me for at least the past two. I will be damned if I let this slip away - he is "The One". He is everything to me... Just as he told me a few days back that I am everything to him. I wouldn't have made it without him in the past... if I lose him, I will never love again... That is a simple fact that I am stating only to point out the truth... As monotonous as my previous statement may sound, some people say "I'll never love again" simply to say it... Those drama queens don't mean it... I, however, do mean it.Chris - You should have arrived there about 10-12 hours ago. Please be safe. I am with you always, baby. I love you so much... so much...Hearts,WinterPS - Yes, it makes sense: He makes me happier than I've ever been, but his absence depresses me.