It hurts.

Wow.... After hanging out with Anyla, Thatdamngood, Disintered, and Jellystar tonight, I realized something... I really am going to need my friends to support me during Chris' absence.By NO means am I saying ANYTHING negative about my relationship with Chris - we're pretty much engaged now. What I AM saying, though, is that not being able to see or hear from him hurts... My friends ease that pain somewhat.Yep - we are engaged!!!!!!!! He is waiting to formally propose upon his return!!! I have never been happier in my life; I must be the luckiest woman ever in existence.I have come to a realization... I have needed Chris all these years. Without him, I would not have made it through highschool... He helped me stay strong - helped me keep from losing hope... He made me feel like I wasn't just a freak that every jock wanted to kick the shit out of. I fell in love with him way back then...Over the next few years, we kept in touch - I believe I've told this story before. We fell out of touch for a while, but got back in touch and there were silent emotions between us. All in all, we've had emotions between one another for seven years now. I've loved him for all seven and he's wanted to be with me for at least the past two. I will be damned if I let this slip away - he is "The One". He is everything to me... Just as he told me a few days back that I am everything to him. I wouldn't have made it without him in the past... if I lose him, I will never love again... That is a simple fact that I am stating only to point out the truth... As monotonous as my previous statement may sound, some people say "I'll never love again" simply to say it... Those drama queens don't mean it... I, however, do mean it.Chris - You should have arrived there about 10-12 hours ago. Please be safe. I am with you always, baby. I love you so much... so much...Hearts,WinterPS - Yes, it makes sense: He makes me happier than I've ever been, but his absence depresses me.

He's Gone.

Well... I haven't updated for a while because I've been talking to Chris almost nonstop for the past few days.At 6:51 this morning, Chris called me. He's left for the east. He promised me that he's going to come back for me. He also promises that he's going to marry me when he comes back... I believe him and I will wait til my last breath if I must. And, no, I'm not trying to sound all gushy and romantic... I'm telling the truth - I will wait until my dying day for him.Of course, after the call, I started to cry... Daddy came into my room and told me that Chris and I are going to be an awesome married couple and that I shouldn't worry...As I throw myself headlong into my career and friends now, all I have to say is: He will be back for me. I have faith in that.Hearts,Winter

Emotional.

Wow... I took a break from writing music and watched some MTV... and I saw 3 Doors Down's "When I'm Gone" twice! Upon watching the video, the entire situation in the east dawned upon me. I started to cry, thinking about Chris, how much I miss him... and... well, honestly, how badly I want to spend the rest of my life with him... This whole situation over in the east quite frankly scares me.The situation in the east is the primary and most important thing on my mind, however, in the background of my head, I have some noise... I'm thinking about stupid, vain things... Horrible, shallow things like the possibility of getting breast implants. I cannot believe the human mind can carry such background noise... It comes with being in the entertainment industry... I'm glad Chris understands that. Heh... Chris - I love you more than words can say.Hearts,Winter

I feel complete.

I am listening to one of the funniest songs in the world - "Bad Babysitter". Speaking of which, I remember when Princess Superstar was pretty darn new... "Mitch Better Have My Bunny"!I just got off the phone with Chris a little while ago. I didn't want to get off of the phone, but he has to sleep... I am completely and utterly convinced that he is my soulmate. He and I are much more than boyfriend/girlfriend... I can't wait to see what happens when he comes back to me...Well - I am going to go dance the plastic fandango (friends - you who know me can ask me in person... the others of you? have fun with the mystery), write some music, then go to bed!Hearts,Winter

Quizzes to relax

To relax after my prior entry, I took some quizzes while playing Kingdom Hearts... What element would you rein over? (For Girls) brought to you by Quizilla You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget. What inner color are you? [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font [...] shirono</font>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]To relax after my prior entry, I took some quizzes while playing Kingdom Hearts...<a href="http://quizilla.com/users/SpazMatazz/quizzes/What%20element%20would%20you%20rein%20over%3F%20(For%20Girls)/"><img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/SpazMatazz/1042697854_intergddss.jpg" border="0" alt="Goddess%20of%20Winter"><br> <font size="-1">What element would you rein over? (For Girls)</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font><A HREF= "http://quizilla.com/users/Shirono/quizzes/The%20inner%20color%20quiz%20(Utena%20Images)" > <IMG SRC="http://homepage.mac.com/werkers/colorquiz/youarepink.jpg"> <P>You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget.</P> <P>What inner color are you? </P></A> <P><FONT SIZE= "-1"Quiz by Shirono</FONT> </P> Did I take these quizzes and rig the answers to get what I want? Absolutely not... My honest answers came out like this:) Ah well - my name is Winter for a reason, right!?:DHearts,Winter

A Question Posed

Okay... interesting day...On the upside, Chris woke me up around 10:50 am:) Hearing from him first thing in the morning is a dream come true. Unfortunately, he's busy putting all of his stuff in storage right now, so I can't talk to him.After that, my day got strange. One of my exboyfriends started telling me he's in love with me (he's been telling me that ever since I got with Chris)... and has asked me to marry him a few times. To be completely honest, I think he's mocking me... but then he made a joke I really didn't appreciate today: "If I raped you, would you report it?" "Ya"... ... Considering my past and legal situations, it freaked me out regardless of his saying it's a joke. After that, he continued to beg me for sex until he had to go 'take care of himself'. ew. He had his chances, cheated on me, asked me to marry him if someone else said no, and got upset because I couldn't get pregnant. Needless to say... um.... Heeeeelllllllll no.Right now, I am playing Kingdom Hearts. I've made it to the Hollow Bastion and am having some difficulty as my 'Keyblade' was taken away from me... Boohooligans! I need to beat up some things and relax after that conversation with my ex.Chris - I love you. I can't imagine life without you - why didn't I realize sooner... how much I need you. Thank you.Hearts,Winter

True Love

Today has pretty much been spent talking to Chris and taking quizzes online - heh. I have pretty much come to the realization that Chris is the love of my life. He better come back to me safely...These quizzes are annoying.. is that why I do them? Compulsion is an odd thing... hehWhich Element Represents You? created by kefkafanatic @ mental insanity

Good Morning Call!

Heheheh. I woke up this morning to a call from Chris... I rolled over on the phone as it was laying next to me in my bed. I picked it up from underneath my back and turned the phone on - or so I thought. I had turned it one when I rolled over and, thusly, turned it off when I picked it up. Having a feeling it was Chris, I logged onto the internet and he was there. He called me again and we talked for a good amount of time - it felt somewhat like waking up next to him... I can't describe how much I love that feeling. I long for the day I wake up next to him in person and hold onto him so tightly he cannot get out of bed. Heh...Momma has spent the day trying to turn me into an Avon lady. She wants to enter the business together because she KNOWS I can sell the shit out of makeup. Personally, I am not particularly fond of Avon makeup; I have used brands like Urban Decay (my favorite), Christian Dior, Versace, Hard Candy, and Nars... I know good makeup and, well......... Avon doesn't sell the highest quality cosmetics. By no means am I trying to diss the company - they're a fabulous company and I applaud them for that. Ah well, I probably will join and sell the hell out of the stuff. Well... they do sell more than just cosmetics now that I think about it. They sell little collectables and such... Some people go gaga for that stuff. I definately know I can be one sometimes. heh. After all, most of my friends know about my extensive video game collection; everybody has to collect something.In a few hours, I should be meeting up with somebody I am cowriting a song with. I usually do not deal well with cowriting - we'll see. Anyway, I'm off for now!Hearts,Winter