Songwriter's curse...

I wanted to sleep, but noooooo... my muse was like 'get your ass out of bed, you're writing'...I started to write parts of this in my head before Chris and I became a couple... We had spent some time together and I was absolutely sure that I wanted him and only him... It was pretty much about my fear of... well... him not feeling the same... I'm glad he does.Without further ado, here is a chunk of my lyrics... they sound hokey - like bad poetry, but you have to hear it with the verses and music.. Keep in mind, my songs are protected by copyright - these words cannot be taken without permission...Am I enough?Am I gonna break?Am I gonna fallflat on my face? (again)Does love really giveas much as it takes?Am I just making another mistake?Only time will tell"Time Will Tell" (written by: Winter Laurel) Fan the Flames/Jenai Publishing (c)2003.I have to put that there for safety purposes. *shrug* I'm a nerd, I know.Hearts,Winter

Letters...

I just wrote Chris another letter - I sure hope these get to him alright. WOW! It took me an hour to write that letter; it's about four pages long... I write really long letters... really long.I wonder what he is doing over there right now... I mean, what in the world could someone do in their spare time? I personally could not handle being out there in the desert... Wow... I am very proud of him... That is all I can really say when it comes to that aside from 'I miss him and love him more than life', but you've all heard plenty of that, right?What they say is true, you know... Distance does make the heart grow fonder. I miss him more with each passing day. I wonder if he feels the same...Ah, well... I need to take a nap. I hope everyone out there is doing well...OH! Before I go - I need to tell everybody about this. I preordered a pale pink metallic 'sakura' pink ps2 from Japan!!! YEP! It is one of 50,000 being made - it is gorgeous!:D... I CANNOT WAIIiiiiiit!:D Okay, geek moment over... More than anything, I want Chris to come home.............Hearts,Winter

Tired.

I just got home from karaoke at Sharky's.My first song was 'Safety Dance', sung for Jordan's birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JORDAN! We love you!The last song I sang was devoted to Chris... 'Again' by Lenny Kravitz. I think the lyrics fit:"All of my life / Where have you been / I wonder if I / Will ever see you again "Chris - I love you - you are the love of my life... Stay strong and come back for me.Hearts,Winter

Freaking Out!

Oh my god, I am freaking out today.I just read a story about the risks outlined in Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's list for President Bush... Quite frankly, I am scared shitless; I could not handle it if something happened to Chris or his little brother... I really couldn't. I love Chris too much to see something happen to him... We've come so far in these seven years!I can understand President Bush's desire to dethrone Saddam and disarm Iraq, but he's going about it too hastily. What if Saddam DID use some of those weapons on our soldiers? What the HELL is he thinking!?Ugh. I need to get out of the house for now.Hearts,Winter

*SIGH*

People are being so nice to me lately! Today, I got one of the nicest compliments ever!!! A friend of mine told me I have the face of an angel! I thought that was so neat!:DVery little do people know my three favorite compliments: I love your music, you're cute, and you look angelic.I am very worried about Chris... I hope he is doing alright over there. After watching the State of the Union address and reading stories about Saddam's reactions... It just scares me... It scares me really badly. You know what? Chris' little brother is being sent over there soon as well... That pisses me off - I cannot handle something happening to either of them... Three of my brothers, both of the full-blooded ones and the adopted one, were in Desert Storm about 12 years ago... I didn't quite understand the severity of the situation then. Now it's the next generation possibly going up against the same asshole... *sigh* They should have killed him in Desert Storm... The UN should have killed Saddam when they had the bloody chance!!!Anyway... I guess I'm just strongly opinionated to some... I realize the importance of the armed forces and understand that Iraq is possibly a threat... I am starting to hate it when people say, "I hate the , we don't need them because "... People who say that do not realize the importance of the armed forces... I've done a lot of research over the years... What can I say? I've been in love with Chris for a long time.Chris - Be strong... I hope you're alright... Remember... You are more than just a man... You are a reason for living.All of you who are being so kind to me during his absence... especially my friends... Thank you.Hearts,Winter

Odd Day.

Well... today was rather uneventful.I took my best friend a pack of cigarettes and watched the State of the Union address. Did anyone else watch it? Did you see Hillary Clinton's face!? I thought it was priceless, when Pres. Bush was making the paycheck comments!All in all, I think he made a pretty good speech and made it rather evident that Iraq does need to be taken care of. *sigh* It sucks, but it's true... They have had twelve years to disarm and too much has been unaccounted for or hidden. I just wish Chris wasn't deployed over there...Speaking of Chris, I talked to his mother today! I wanted to make sure that his family has my phone numbers in case they ever need anything. Chris had already given them my numbers as I requested before he left, so it was all good. We ended up talking about the fact that I'm dating Chris - she doesn't mind it at all! She says she has always liked me - rock on.Anyhow, I am going to go to bed now. I have college early in the morning.Chris - I love you more than life. Please be safe.Hearts,Winter

It hurts.

Wow.... After hanging out with Anyla, Thatdamngood, Disintered, and Jellystar tonight, I realized something... I really am going to need my friends to support me during Chris' absence.By NO means am I saying ANYTHING negative about my relationship with Chris - we're pretty much engaged now. What I AM saying, though, is that not being able to see or hear from him hurts... My friends ease that pain somewhat.Yep - we are engaged!!!!!!!! He is waiting to formally propose upon his return!!! I have never been happier in my life; I must be the luckiest woman ever in existence.I have come to a realization... I have needed Chris all these years. Without him, I would not have made it through highschool... He helped me stay strong - helped me keep from losing hope... He made me feel like I wasn't just a freak that every jock wanted to kick the shit out of. I fell in love with him way back then...Over the next few years, we kept in touch - I believe I've told this story before. We fell out of touch for a while, but got back in touch and there were silent emotions between us. All in all, we've had emotions between one another for seven years now. I've loved him for all seven and he's wanted to be with me for at least the past two. I will be damned if I let this slip away - he is "The One". He is everything to me... Just as he told me a few days back that I am everything to him. I wouldn't have made it without him in the past... if I lose him, I will never love again... That is a simple fact that I am stating only to point out the truth... As monotonous as my previous statement may sound, some people say "I'll never love again" simply to say it... Those drama queens don't mean it... I, however, do mean it.Chris - You should have arrived there about 10-12 hours ago. Please be safe. I am with you always, baby. I love you so much... so much...Hearts,WinterPS - Yes, it makes sense: He makes me happier than I've ever been, but his absence depresses me.

He's Gone.

Well... I haven't updated for a while because I've been talking to Chris almost nonstop for the past few days.At 6:51 this morning, Chris called me. He's left for the east. He promised me that he's going to come back for me. He also promises that he's going to marry me when he comes back... I believe him and I will wait til my last breath if I must. And, no, I'm not trying to sound all gushy and romantic... I'm telling the truth - I will wait until my dying day for him.Of course, after the call, I started to cry... Daddy came into my room and told me that Chris and I are going to be an awesome married couple and that I shouldn't worry...As I throw myself headlong into my career and friends now, all I have to say is: He will be back for me. I have faith in that.Hearts,Winter

Emotional.

Wow... I took a break from writing music and watched some MTV... and I saw 3 Doors Down's "When I'm Gone" twice! Upon watching the video, the entire situation in the east dawned upon me. I started to cry, thinking about Chris, how much I miss him... and... well, honestly, how badly I want to spend the rest of my life with him... This whole situation over in the east quite frankly scares me.The situation in the east is the primary and most important thing on my mind, however, in the background of my head, I have some noise... I'm thinking about stupid, vain things... Horrible, shallow things like the possibility of getting breast implants. I cannot believe the human mind can carry such background noise... It comes with being in the entertainment industry... I'm glad Chris understands that. Heh... Chris - I love you more than words can say.Hearts,Winter

I feel complete.

I am listening to one of the funniest songs in the world - "Bad Babysitter". Speaking of which, I remember when Princess Superstar was pretty darn new... "Mitch Better Have My Bunny"!I just got off the phone with Chris a little while ago. I didn't want to get off of the phone, but he has to sleep... I am completely and utterly convinced that he is my soulmate. He and I are much more than boyfriend/girlfriend... I can't wait to see what happens when he comes back to me...Well - I am going to go dance the plastic fandango (friends - you who know me can ask me in person... the others of you? have fun with the mystery), write some music, then go to bed!Hearts,Winter

Quizzes to relax

To relax after my prior entry, I took some quizzes while playing Kingdom Hearts... What element would you rein over? (For Girls) brought to you by Quizilla You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget. What inner color are you? [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font [...] shirono</font>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]To relax after my prior entry, I took some quizzes while playing Kingdom Hearts...<a href="http://quizilla.com/users/SpazMatazz/quizzes/What%20element%20would%20you%20rein%20over%3F%20(For%20Girls)/"><img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/SpazMatazz/1042697854_intergddss.jpg" border="0" alt="Goddess%20of%20Winter"><br> <font size="-1">What element would you rein over? (For Girls)</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font><A HREF= "http://quizilla.com/users/Shirono/quizzes/The%20inner%20color%20quiz%20(Utena%20Images)" > <IMG SRC="http://homepage.mac.com/werkers/colorquiz/youarepink.jpg"> <P>You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget.</P> <P>What inner color are you? </P></A> <P><FONT SIZE= "-1"Quiz by Shirono</FONT> </P> Did I take these quizzes and rig the answers to get what I want? Absolutely not... My honest answers came out like this:) Ah well - my name is Winter for a reason, right!?:DHearts,Winter

A Question Posed

Okay... interesting day...On the upside, Chris woke me up around 10:50 am:) Hearing from him first thing in the morning is a dream come true. Unfortunately, he's busy putting all of his stuff in storage right now, so I can't talk to him.After that, my day got strange. One of my exboyfriends started telling me he's in love with me (he's been telling me that ever since I got with Chris)... and has asked me to marry him a few times. To be completely honest, I think he's mocking me... but then he made a joke I really didn't appreciate today: "If I raped you, would you report it?" "Ya"... ... Considering my past and legal situations, it freaked me out regardless of his saying it's a joke. After that, he continued to beg me for sex until he had to go 'take care of himself'. ew. He had his chances, cheated on me, asked me to marry him if someone else said no, and got upset because I couldn't get pregnant. Needless to say... um.... Heeeeelllllllll no.Right now, I am playing Kingdom Hearts. I've made it to the Hollow Bastion and am having some difficulty as my 'Keyblade' was taken away from me... Boohooligans! I need to beat up some things and relax after that conversation with my ex.Chris - I love you. I can't imagine life without you - why didn't I realize sooner... how much I need you. Thank you.Hearts,Winter

True Love

Today has pretty much been spent talking to Chris and taking quizzes online - heh. I have pretty much come to the realization that Chris is the love of my life. He better come back to me safely...These quizzes are annoying.. is that why I do them? Compulsion is an odd thing... hehWhich Element Represents You? created by kefkafanatic @ mental insanity

Good Morning Call!

Heheheh. I woke up this morning to a call from Chris... I rolled over on the phone as it was laying next to me in my bed. I picked it up from underneath my back and turned the phone on - or so I thought. I had turned it one when I rolled over and, thusly, turned it off when I picked it up. Having a feeling it was Chris, I logged onto the internet and he was there. He called me again and we talked for a good amount of time - it felt somewhat like waking up next to him... I can't describe how much I love that feeling. I long for the day I wake up next to him in person and hold onto him so tightly he cannot get out of bed. Heh...Momma has spent the day trying to turn me into an Avon lady. She wants to enter the business together because she KNOWS I can sell the shit out of makeup. Personally, I am not particularly fond of Avon makeup; I have used brands like Urban Decay (my favorite), Christian Dior, Versace, Hard Candy, and Nars... I know good makeup and, well......... Avon doesn't sell the highest quality cosmetics. By no means am I trying to diss the company - they're a fabulous company and I applaud them for that. Ah well, I probably will join and sell the hell out of the stuff. Well... they do sell more than just cosmetics now that I think about it. They sell little collectables and such... Some people go gaga for that stuff. I definately know I can be one sometimes. heh. After all, most of my friends know about my extensive video game collection; everybody has to collect something.In a few hours, I should be meeting up with somebody I am cowriting a song with. I usually do not deal well with cowriting - we'll see. Anyway, I'm off for now!Hearts,Winter

Fun day!

I had a fun day today! Well - I guess it's really Saturday now... anyway.I sneakily took Anyla shopping against her will... She ended up buying things and LOVING IT! As a matter of fact, thatdamngood kept saying I was 'converting her' to the pink side. In other words, for those who cannot understand cutespeak: I'm making her girly!Thatdamngood talked to Chris today! He told me that Chris is extremely happy... I am so glad to hear that. I truly hope that I can make Chris as happy as he makes me. I have seriously never been this happy in my entire life - I have felt whole, as an individual, for about three years now... but now I truly feel complete.After next week, Chris will be gone for quite some time. I've told him that he better come back to me safely and he's replied that he has 'cursed' me and I cannot get rid of him so easily. Get rid of him? I want to spend the rest of my life with him - all I can say is that he better come back safely.Physically, I feel horrible. I am coming down with a cold or something. My throat is starting to get a wee bit sore and I'm exhausted. All in all, it is making me incredibly moody. Heh... even though I am incredibly moody as of this moment, I am still incredibly happy... beyond satisfied.I am going to take a shower and relax... I hate getting sick - I can't help but get moody.Hearts,Winter

Aaaah!

My belly hurts REALLY bad this morning... REALLY bad. On top of this, I am really really sleepy...Nevertheless, despite my crampiness, moodiness, and sleepiness, I am still happy... heh... I love Chris so much! Last night, he told me that his biggest fear when he almost got into a car wreck was the thought of never seeing me again. Nobody has ever said ANYTHING that sweet to me... and I can tell he means it!Ugh. Belly. Sleep. Spider Man Test!Take the Which Spider-Man Character Are You? quiz by ZyberGoat

Dreams come true

I feel so lucky - I think I may have very well found 'the one'. In all seriousness, have you ever been able to look at someone, talk to them, and imagine yourself getting old with them?... and not regretting one single moment? Now, I know how that feels... I am half tempted to get in my car and drive out to see Chris right now, but I can't. Aside from being an absolutely horrible long-distance driver, I have so much going on here: the music, the movie, and college.I cannot wait to see him again... Distance really does make the heart grow fonder when you've known a person and had feelings for them for so long. Anyway - I am going to talk to Chris on the phone and annotate 'The Story of an Hour' for English class. I will write more later!Hearts,Winter

Awwww! How cute!

This is so cute!!!I just got off the phone with my boyfriend, Chris (he gave me permission to use his first name on here). He was so sleepy that he started to slip off into dreamland and talk some really cute jibberish!!! I wanted to cuddle with him so badly!!! I convinced him to let me let him sleep - he didn't want to get off the phone. I love him a lot... He's so wonderful.We're going to talk early tomorrow! For now, I am going to talk to Josh about the movie.Hearts,Winter

HE IS NOW MY BOYFRIEND!

Officially, as of about 10 minutes ago, C. and I became a couple. He is going to be gone for some time - I will have to wait, but he is more than worth the wait... He is worth more than one hundred times the wait.I am at a loss for words, once again... I don't recall every being this happy before...Some more background on C: I have known him since highschool. He was there for me through my last two years of highschool, standing up for me, encouraging me, and generally making me feel worthwhile. I developed a hardcore crush on him. We tried really hard to keep in touch, but with all the events in our lives (my surgery, his travel, etc), we fell out of touch.About two years ago, after a period of lost contact, we got back in touch with one another. It turns out that he started to have feelings for me during that visit two years ago!!! Now... two years later, we've confessed to loving each other and have become a couple. I am just amazed... Sometimes destiny is right in front of you...I am off for now!!!(note: I am using the letter C as I do not want strangers knowing my boyfriend's name)Hearts,Winter

He loves me!

Apparently, life can get better - He just told me he loves me too. I am at a complete and utter loss for words... Wow... I am beyond happy!I would write more, but I have to be somewhere in about 45 minutes. I will definately write more later!

A Fairy Tale?

Today has been an incredible day.I landed my first movie part! My music career is doing well! I graduate from college with my associates this May! ... Just ... Wow...To top things off, I think the guy I am in love with is in love with me as well. He said some of the sweetest things to me last night. I love him a lot... Can things get any better? We'll see:)I'm going to chill now:)Hearts,Winter

Confusing, life is. That's what Yoda would say.

January 1st, the beginning of a new year, has come and gone... January is already almost half over and I've had SO much happen...First off, I fell in love over Christmas break. Names need not be mentioned at this point, but I ended up with the last person I ever expected to be with. That doesn't mean I didn't want to be with them prior to that - I just never expected it to really happen. Anyway, due to circumstances, he doesn't think a relationship would be feasible right now. I am just going to wait and see what happens in time - I have no interest in any other men whatsoever. Hopefully, he will ask me to be his girlfriend. If he doesn't, then I think he is giving up something amazing. To work through my feelings, I've been writing a song called 'Time Will Tell'.Secondly, I have decided not to move to California. My publisher told me that I should stay put or move to an inspiring place. The only states that would inspire me right now are Mississippi or Georgia. The reasoning for either is a long story. Either way, there are two things I need to do: find some new musicians to work with and get my ass back in the studio.Finally, I start my last semester at Collin County Community College in 11 hours!!! After this semester, I am free... I can finally move to any place I want to, work on my music career, and attend college there... Where it will be, I have no idea right now... I sure as hell am sick of being stuck in Pricksville (Plano), Texas.This is the year I start to make my dreams reality.Hearts,Winter